When is busy too busy? I have 3 kids, 2 of which are in school. Life is supposed to be busy. We have church commitments, soccer for the 2 older kids (practice and games weekly), martial arts for the big kids - twice a week, my weekly art class, and my husband's men's group, etc. All of these things are good things. And on a perfect week, I feel on top of this schedule. But not this past week. The baby was sick all week, Abby seemed to have an enormous amount of homework (Kindergarten???!!!), and we added doctor appointments and the HVAC cleaning to the list.
How do people do this crazy life with 3 kids without family around?
I asked my friend this question on our way to pottery class. I didn't even get dinner that night because I went straight from martial arts to my class. I ate some Oreos at 9:30 when I got home. So maybe I shouldn't complain about no dinner...they were pretty good.
She gave me a good answer - a lot of people don't do this. The don't have the ability to be super involved at their church, and don't have the time for every kid to have an activity. And then some people hire backup. And Nashville seems to be the place for nannies. I have been mistaken for one at our YMCA pool!
What if I really want all of these activities for my kids but I don't want to hire a nanny? Where is the balance with my sanity? I know some of my desires for my kids is what I like to call rebound parenting. Each generation tries to change something that they did or did not have in their childhood. I want my kids to have the chance to stick with one sport or activity and to do it well. To find their niche and blossom. I didn't have this chance until high school when I found music. I moved a lot as a kid, and often missed soccer registration or just didn't have the chance to stick with one program and blossom. I often think that I could have played soccer into college. I played my eighth grade year, but ended up going to 3 high schools. By the time I got to my last high school, I wasn't at the same skill level as the girls trying out for the team.
So am I creating a busy schedule for my kids out of my own regret or because of what is really best for each kid? They love everything we are involved in...and I want them to learn from a team sport as well as individual sport/activity. I think there are benefits to both. But I didn't have both activities my entire childhood, and I turned out okay. Well, most days I turned out okay.
Balance has been on my mind this week. I find myself encouraging my kids with all of the opportunities that I can give them - but trying to learn when to push them forward and when to get out of God's way.
I appreciate this reflection so much Rachel. Thank you for opening your heart and your thoughts so clearly. I will be praying for you as you look for that God centered balance for yourself and for your beautiful kids and for your family. You are doing such a terrific job of thinking through the issues of being a mother with a heart for Jesus. I love you, Mom
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, on nearly every level :) I'm reading a good book right now, Simplicity Parenting, which talks about this very issue. I missed the fall softball sign up and so Maggie's not doing anything right now except for after school sewing club, which merely requires a late school pick up one day a week. And I have to say, I'm loving that we're doing less right now. Finn's just on the edge of being old enough to do sports/activities so things will be more complex, but I'm starting to say no to things like birthday parties of kids Maggie doesn't know that well.
ReplyDeleteAnd you know my family is here but since they all work, it's not like I have them at my disposal. So even with family in town, busy-ness is still difficult.
I know you're not asking for advice, but I'm learning that I don't have to do everything at the same time - like maybe we nurture her artistic side in the summer with art camp, and spring is for softball, and fall is for after-school clubs, rather than feeling like she has to do everything all the time.
You're doing a great job; you're a great mom and I love how your kids are turning out :)
I hear ya on this one! I feel like we are just starting to deal with this as we've entered the school years & activity realm. There are so many good things we can be doing. Our church activities alone consume 3 days a week. We added one sport to that schedule but its for our twins, so at least they are on the same team. I'm not sure how we'll do it when #3 and #4 want to play something.
ReplyDeleteI do think there is something to be said for "seasons" that you go through. I'm not sure that every activity can or needs to be an annual thing.
I was raised where I did several activity for years at a time (ie..i had a gymnastics season, a ballet season, and a tennis season (all lasting a few years) but never really overlapping) and my brother played 2-3 sports each year, but we were much farther apart in age than my kids, so it some ways it was easier because they were independent by the time I got involved in stuff. I look at families where all their kids are school-age and they are running here and there all the time. I did take a parenting class at church that highly recommended one activity per kid at a time. Sounds reasonable, but its hard to implement.
Thanks everyone. Balance is key...on so many levels. We are staying the course with their current activities, now that we have a routine. Leslie - I am lucky to have 2 kids so close in age. I often feel like they are twins...they are in the same activities. It does make it a little easier.
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